Life has thrown us all some unexpected turns recently with the rise of COVID-19. The question to ask yourself is how do you stay within your emotional window of tolerance? When you are in your window of tolerance you feel secure or safe. You feel that you can handle your emotions as they surface, and you can find your sense of direction. Your responses are congruent with the situation at hand and you feel open, curious, and present. Feelings of empathy remain intact and you are able to maintain healthy boundaries.
However, a stressful event can lead to movement out of your window of tolerance. When under extreme stress, it is easy to swing back and forth between hyper-arousal and hypo-arousal. It can be hard to manage feelings of distress and to find a sense of balance. I too have been working hard to manage my inner world but admit there have been moments of feeling out of the window of tolerance and in fight or flight mode.
When in a hyper-arousal state your heart rate goes up, you may feel very unsafe and/or overwhelmed. This could be known as fight or flight mode. Your emotions are closer to the surface and you may feel reactive rather than proactive. You either want to run away fast or stand and fight.
In this hyper arousal state you may feel emotionally dysregulated, or act defensively, when under pressure. Impulses are harder to control when in a state of hyper-arousal so you might lash out unexpectedly, feel shaky or trembly, or ill-at-ease. Hyper-arousal could also look like frenetically shopping for supplies and toilet paper, which is part of why we have experienced a shortage of supplies. If no one panicked about supplies the stores would have their usual supplies of paper products, eggs and meats, and rice. However, panic mode set in and frantic shoppers set a new pace for shopping that the stores can’t keep up with.
It’s also harder to sleep when in a hyper-arousal state. Possibly you have noticed that it is harder to sleep right now as the news stations and radio stations are constantly focused on COVID-19. We see what is happening around the world in real time and it feels frightening. Once our body decides to release adrenaline and cortisol in response to stress it can feel difficult to get back to a calm state of mind and body. Have you had trouble sleeping? Do you find yourself holding your breath? Has your breathing changed to short/shallow breathing? Do you feel tense and uneasy? Have you snapped at someone recently? If so then you are probably moving out of your window of tolerance and into hyper-arousal of your autonomic arousal system.
On the opposite side of the response spectrum we can go into “shut down mode.” When we are in a state of hypo-arousal we experience a different set of symptoms. When you just want to sit on the couch and do nothing with a sense of apathy or numbness you are in a hypo-arousal state. I sometimes call this state, “emotional paralysis” which could also be described as a frozen state. If you can imagine a squirrel frozen in the middle of the street not knowing which way to go, and staring straight ahead at the car in front of them, then you can imagine the feelings in hypo-arousal except that the feelings can linger for a while. You can feel immobilized when in this state of mind.
In order to manage your emotions during the COVID-19 crisis, you can work toward regulation of your thoughts and feelings and move back into a window of tolerance.
Here are some ideas:
Remind yourself of the things that make you feel grounded or centered and do those things.
Being creative helps quiet the analytical side of the brain. You can color, draw, pain, or make something. Learn how to make jewelry or download an online tutorial on how to draw.
Find ways to express humor. A few minutes of laughter can help diffuse the tension
Reframe the fearful thoughts in your head. For example, Instead of saying, “what if something terrible happens?” change your thoughts to “What if everything turns out okay?”
Learn to reassure yourself, “This is hard but I will get through it.”
Look for things you can control and accept the things you cannot. You can control which supplements you take, such as vitamin C, and you can control making healthy food choices. You can control other things that matter such as your own response to things.
When you realize you can’t control something then practice acceptance. Accept that you cannot control other people and their choices, realize you cannot control what the state does, and recognize that you cannot control many things. A lot of anxiety surfaces out of a desire to control things that aren’t within your control.
Recite or meditate on a favorite poem, a meaningful saying or quote, a prayer (such as the Lord’s prayer), or a Bible verse to help distance your mind from anxiety.
Be kind to yourself and your neighbor. When people are in a state of heightened distress they tend to become agitated and angry. Kindness goes a long way. Donate to a food pantry, help a friend or neighbor, be patient.
Ways to be kind to yourself: Make a list of self-care things you can do such as take a bath, take a nap, exercise, a fun or creative activity, or another thing that is life giving for you.
Attitude of gratitude- Make a list of all of the things that you are grateful for.
Worry Box- Put all of your worries on index cards in an index card box. Give yourself permission to worry/think about those things only during designated times. When the box is closed you are not allowed to worry about it. You can also use this as a prayer list.
Another way to stay connected during this time of “social distancing” is to learn how to use Zoom or face time. You can schedule time to meet with friends or family for dinner together online or a “tea/coffee time” together for 30 minutes on face time. Set a time for everyone to connect and spend a few minutes together virtually.
We can all get through this difficult time together.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Neibuhr
Many blessings to you as you shelter at home or keep working on the frontlines in the hospitals or other jobs that are still running. I suspect that some good things will come out of this as you persevere through the hardships in front of you.
Take care and stay healthy-
Gretchen
“Do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what a day may bring.” Proverbs 27:1
“And we know that in all things God works for the good.” Romans 8:28a