Life has thrown us all some unexpected turns recently with the rise of COVID-19. The question to ask yourself is how do you stay within your emotional window of tolerance? When you are in your window of tolerance you feel secure or safe. You feel that you can handle your emotions as they surface, and you can find your sense of direction. Your responses are congruent with the situation at hand and you feel open, curious, and present. Feelings of empathy remain intact and you are able to maintain healthy boundaries. However, a stressful event can lead to movement out of your window of tolerance.
Some years ago I noticed a higher number of cancellations due to the flu than other seasons. This year the Corona Virus is putting fear in many hearts. People are stockpiling toilet paper and essentials to have around the house and some offices are preparing to have their employees work from home. Vacation plans are being canceled as fear rises like the tide. Around 7 years ago I started on a quest for natural health
Once you’ve experienced the shock and euphoria that accompanies the news that you’re having a baby, your thoughts move on to the physical and financial preparations that need to be made. There’s a nursery to be assembled as well as equipment and supplies to be acquired so you’re ready to go when the big day arrives.
For parents who find they’re expecting a child with a physical or mental disability, the shock they experience is of a slightly different nature.
Tis the season for intensified feelings of grief, despair, and loneliness. The feelings of sadness of the loss of a loved one increases exponentially during the holidays. The memories of past holidays together can flood the mind and intensify the feelings of loss. When our lives aren’t perfect and we look around at everyone else’s seemingly perfect lives, despair sets in with feelings of inadequacy. The feelings can spin around in our minds like a tossed salad with too much dressing, “They have an intact family, they have money to go skiing, they don’t have financial problems, their kids have good grades…
I have learned that it takes around 3 years for a bamboo plant to be fully established once it is planted. It will have long periods in which the plant doesn’t appear to be making any growth progress. It is during this time that growth is occurring underground within the root system. The roots are actively growing and pushing water up to the plant above ground.
“Mom push me!” my daughter begged me and looked at me with playful eyes. I reluctantly sidled over to help her out because I know she doesn’t really need me to push her anymore. I gave her a few good shoves to propel her up to a satisfactory height. Observing her delight, I thought, “Why let her have all the fun?” and glanced over at the empty swing next to her.
Imbalance Causes Strain:
Balance is one of the biggest challenges in today’s society. Striving for it is a challenge worth pursuing. Imbalance comes when we spend too much time, effort, or thought on something that steals time away from other important things in our life. When we are overly focused in one direction, other areas of our lives suffer. Pressures to perform at work, our own perfectionism, demands from others can all create a lack of balance. Imbalance in our lives can cause incredible strain. It can also lead to burnout.
Is there imbalance in your life? Are you weighted too heavily in one direction or another? If so, what can you do to change it?
Ask Questions:
Start by asking a series of questions; What is it that has fallen off the back of the truck while you have been so busy pursuing other goals? What is it that you want to have back in your life? What are the things that drain you? What are the things that revive you? Is where you are headed so important that you don’t have time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life? How do you slow down enough to regain perspective on what truly is important and find the balance to maintain it?
Follow Through on Change:
Once you have asked the questions needed to see what needs to change you need to change. Asking the questions isn’t enough. You must actively shift your priorities back to what is essential; time with family, time with friends, time with your spouse or your children. Rest time is essential to recover from the burden of stressors in our day to day lives. Rest can include sleep, relaxing, time doing something that you enjoy doing such as reading, fishing, calling a good friend.
Why is this so important? Because life can slip away when we are too busy chasing dreams. Sometimes when my daughter looks at me with her large beautiful eyes and says, “Mom play with me,” I have to stop and consider what is most important at that moment. Knowing she will soon be asking for the car keys instead of asking to play, I stop and get on the floor and play with the paper dolls for a moment and savor every moment of it. Dishes may sit in the sink, work projects are calling my name, but I choose to let the world stop for a moment and savor a piece of heaven to bring the balance back. What or who is it that you need to pay more attention to? What do you need to pay less attention to in order to accomplish that.
Stop for a minute and savor a moment of life. Let the harried pace slow down and do the work to keep a balance in your life. Perspective on what is truly important to you helps to focus your time. Stop and consider what needs to change. You will be happier and more fulfilled.
Anxiety comes in several different forms. If you suffer from anxiety you may know that you are anxious, but lack the discernment to know what type of anxiety you have. Treatment of anxiety involves first diagnosing your anxiety type, and then treating it specifically.
Here is a list of various clinical anxiety disorders:
In order to treat your anxiety with impact and efficacy you must first define which type you are affected by. Once you are aware of your specific set of symptoms you can begin to treat the anxiety disorder. Any of the above listed anxiety disorders can range in severity from mild to severe.
In upcoming blog posts I will discuss individual anxiety disorders under a closer lens and discuss methods for combating and treating the anxiety. Stay tuned for more.
Blessings, Gretchen
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13
We live in a consumer society where “get more, have more” is a commonplace mindset. Commercials feed us constantly with the notion that if we have their product then we will be happy. We will look more beautiful if we just use their merchandise. Also, if we decorate like Martha Stewart, than we are the “hostess with the most-est,” and the envy of all who we entertain. There is always more we can do, be, or have. There is constant pressure to perform better, market better, learn more, and be more.
Unfortunately, all of that comes with a high price tag of discontentment. I looked up the word discontent and it means to have dissatisfaction, or a restless longing for better circumstances. I think the key point is that it contributes to an impatient feeling. A real lack of peace or satisfaction is predominant in our spirit.
I am talking to myself as much as I am talking to you when I ask; “how then, do we learn to have contentment?” I personally find it to be a constant struggle. There is always someone who has a better car then my ‘97 silver Buick that is a hand-me-down from my Grandpa. The side mirror is torn off (It’s my daughter’s fault for distracting me with questions as I pulled out of the garage), and a rock hit my windshield leaving a crack. In addition, the handles in the backseat are worn so I have to get out and open the door form my son every morning before school.
I am actually very grateful for the car and love the v8 engine that picks up speed quickly when I need it to. Sometimes I want a new shiny car but I remind myself that this one works just fine and gets us all where we need to go. Truthfully, I am glad the back doors don’t work because it gives me a chance to give my son a kiss on the cheek before he runs into class. Thankfully, It also saves us a monthly payment.
My kids, too, want a car that has a video player in it so they can watch movies while we run our errands. Every time they bring this up I use it as an object lesson in contentment. I try to gently remind them to be grateful for what we do have. I try to help them to see the difference between wants and needs. We need food, but we want a video player. Having what we want is not important but God will provide for us what we need.
Think of the people in Haiti who barely have clothes on their backs, or a tent to shelter them. But for the grace of God that would be me. We Americans are so out of touch with real suffering. We think we are suffering because we drive a used car, can’t afford to put in a new deck, or go on a shopping spree. That is hardly suffering.
I was praying for Melkamu, this morning, who is our Compassion child. His picture sits on our fridge to remind us to pray for him. It also reminds me to be content with what I have because the poor little guy is wearing used and mismatched clothing. He’s covered in dirt, and he wears worn out girls’ shoes that protect his little feet. He is hardly the picture of fashion. He is so precious, and he reminds me that we live in a land of plenty and I have plenty to be grateful for. He serves a special purpose in our house. He helps us be more content with what we have. It seems he may have more of an impact on us than we have on him.
What does it mean to be content? It means that we are not jealous of our neighbor, we are grateful for what we do have, we help others who need more than us, and we refrain from complaining. Is this easy? I think not. I struggle with it everyday. The main point to learn contentment is to do what Paul says in the above verse; we rely on God’s strength and not our own.
Blessings, Gretchen
Interested in sponsoring a Compassion child?
http://www.compassion.com/sponsor_a_child/default.htm
“You then, why do you judge your brother? Why do you look down on your brother?”
Romans 14: 10a
As I cleaned out the refrigerator the other day, I realized I hadn’t done it in a while. I pulled out several Tupperware tubs full of stuff. The recent tubs weren’t so bad. It was effortless to toss the leftover food down the disposal. I held my breath as I opened some of the other tubs to protect my nose from the smell. I quickly dumped them out. Hairy mold developments existed in the corners. I thought, “Certainly it hasn’t been that long since I cleaned out the fridge.” Clearly it had, because there was a lot of gunk in there from old veggies to leftover stew.
When we judge others who are loved by God it is as smelly as old stew in the fridge. God asks us to love one another and to not judge. Yet, so many of us still are full of judgmental attitudes. Many of us “tend to judge from a self centered perspective rather than from God’s perspective. If we don’t like high heels, we may judge someone who does, if we don’t wear saggy pants, then we may think negatively about someone who does. If we do wear saggy pants we may judge someone who doesn’t dress this way and think they are old fashioned and obsolete. If we read the Bible everyday, we may judge someone who doesn’t. There are as many examples as there are people. The point is that we mustn’t judge from our own eyes, tastes, or preferences. Those are not essential. What matters to God is the heart, and we are not to judge that either” (P. 85 The Journey Out).
What God asks us to do is to love one an-other. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4: 8). We must love people regardless of ethnicity, background, socio-economic status, or skin color. When we love others we are passing along God’s grace. “If we are quick to judge others, we undermine the central component of God's grace and His compassion toward those to whom He longs to reveal His love” (P. 77 The Journey Out).
I have been disgusted by some of the judgmental attitudes I have observed recently on news, radio, and on bumper stickers. Why are some so free to share negative thoughts? How can we do a better job of showing God’s love? Even something as simple as good eye contact and a smile can go a long way.
Have you cleaned out your judgmental attitudes lately? They are as smelly and retched as rotting food in the fridge. Are you aware that they exist in your soul? Maybe they are hidden behind the yogurt you just bought. Maybe you haven’t checked lately. Have you become accustomed to their presence? Are you used to the smell? They may still be in there. Ask God to show you what they are. Repent, and say you are sorry for holding negative attitudes toward people that God loves. You may find that you feel more freedom in your own spirit.
In light of the earthquake in Haiti I thought I would blog on the topic of giving. So many of you have already given and will continue to give. Prayer support is also essential to pray for those on the ground helping the wounded and homeless there. Here is an excerpt from my book The Journey Out:
"When we have our hearts on heaven, we yearn to give to others. We feel blessed and full and taken care of, and it overflows into taking care of others in need. We don't feel competitive or afraid. In our security we are able to give to the poor as God commands us, knowing that we don't need to be afraid that we won't have what we need."But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be done in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret will reward you" (Matt. 6:3-4). The Lord rewards us when we give privately, not openly for others to see. (page 162, The Journey Out)
I am pretty certain that most of you have given out of the goodness of your hearts. The truth is that even though the economy is tight, we are all better off than those suffering in Haiti right now. Giving small amounts can go a long way, and can bless a lot of people with medical care and supplies. Please continue to give and to pray for those who are suffering. We know that God will reward us for giving privately. You may not see that reward until you are in heaven. However, I have heard stories of God's miraculous provision for us when we choose to give to those in need. I have even experienced it. If you are holding back out of fear of your own finances, take a chance and give privately. I assure you God will make sure your needs are also taken care of.
Two trusted ways to give to Haiti or other places in need:
Today is a New Day!
I love the fresh start of a new day. Each morning signals a new beginning. It means that yesterday is completed and today is new. Yet, often as we face the morning we feel bogged down by yesterdays' troubles and tomorrows' worries. In doing so we forget to enjoy the present moment of our lives. Wearily we reach for the cup of strong hot coffee, hoping it will revive our bleary eyes and jump start us with fresh motivation. Still, desire can evade us as we press forward through the day.
Some of us are bogged down by financial stress, relational stress, and others of us face challenges at work with a difficult boss, or in looking for a job. Many women are juggling career and kids. The list of stressor's can be long. How do we get a new perspective for a new day? How do we get past that dreaded feeling that we will never break out of the rut we are in?
Prioritize: Take time to write a list of what is important to you. Not just what you need to do. I have a policy; "People before tasks." Time with friends or family can revive you and make life fulfilling. Forget the dishes and schedule coffee, forget less important "To Do" items and spend time with the people you love. I have a long current "To Do" list and I added one item; "-don't freak out" is on there to remind me to stay calm and keep perspective.
Simplify: If you are overloaded with too much to do, it may be time to eliminate some things. I know it can be difficult to say "no" but it is an important skill to learn. Us overly responsible types will say yes to just about anything and then wonder why we are so stressed out. Practice saying no and stop feeling so guilty about it. It really is okay to simplify your life so your mental and emotional well-being is intact. Your friends and family will thank you for it.
Slow down: Slow down and enjoy the beautiful moments of life. Savor them. Cherish them. Sometimes stress is so prominent that we fail to enjoy the good things in our life. Breathe deeply and look around you. Listen to the sounds. Stretch your arms and legs and even sit down for 5 minutes to pray or think or just be. It will help you.
Gratefulness: Take a moment to thank God for what you are blessed with. It can be as simple as; "Thank you God that I can walk," or "Thank you that I have a car that gets me places." It calms me when I think of the basic things I appreciate. The problems are still there but I am reminded of the problems I don't have and am glad. It may spur me to pray for others and get me out of my own self absorption.
Bite sized pieces: I know when I look at the whole problem or many problems at once I tend to freeze. I don't know where to start. Sometimes it helps to stay in the present moment and ask yourself; "What can I do right now?" A favorite verse of mine helps me to remember not to worry too far ahead; "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." (Matthew 6: 34)
Finally, We also have a bigger perspective when we remember that our struggles are temporary and that one day we will be free from our troubles; "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16: 33) We all will have our fair share of struggles to face in this life but one day we can rejoice that it has been completely overcome and we are free. Hang in there and enjoy the parts of life that make it truly meaningful.
Blessings to you! Gretchen
