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Discouragement

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light unto my path.  Psalm 119:105

Was last year tough?  Did it seem like you had more steps backward than forward?  Did you feel alone in the struggle?   

God promises to lead you down a path when you cannot see in the darkness.  If you are confused or lonely or afraid, He will lead you forward if you look to him.  I remember going to a cottage of a friend of ours that was in the deep woods.  If you came in at night you had to park your car and then walk a long narrow path through the woods.  It was so dark your eyes would not adjust to the sky so you could see where you were going.  The only thing that was visible was the next step lit by a flashlight.  After stepping over rocks, roots, and along the path, eventually we would make it to the front porch of the cottage.  This experience really helped me to understand the above verse.  Sometimes you really cannot see where God is taking you, and it seems dark as night in the woods.  Only He can guide your footsteps.  

Prayer;  Lord, help me to look to you to light my life path when I cannot see where I am going.  Help me not to get distracted by things going on around me.  Help me not to give into despair but to trust that you are taking me to a better place.  

by Gretchen Flores

Mrs. Lonely and Her Rejection Complex

Introducing Mrs. Lonely:  How her core beliefs set her up for feeling badly and how she changed it.

In my counseling work I often ask clients to fill out worksheets using Cognitive techniques.  The worksheets help clients develop greater insight.  Often, what we think about life is deeply ingrained in us from early experiences.  It is called internalization which I often describe as a process of absorbing messages that influence us throughout our lifetime.  Children especially are like sponges soaking in every word and every attitude that comes their way.  If our early experiences are mostly negative we often develop negative thinking patterns.  Breaking those patterns is part of how therapy helps us move forward.  

 

by Gretchen Flores

Why Women Stay

Why do women stay in less than satisfactory relationships?

It’s an age old question, why?  Why on earth would a woman stay in a relationship with someone who is mean, controlling, manipulative or straight out abusive?   There might be as many reasons as there are women (and yes, men can be in bad relationships too).

Possibly;

  • She has low self-esteem. 
  • She doesn’t value herself or see that she can do better. 
  • She has an unhealthy attraction to the wrong kind of guy.
  • She is desensitized to the poor treatment from being in it so long. 

by Gretchen Flores

Your Own Worst Enemy

Your Own Worst Enemy

Negative self talk is one of the many things that hold us back from enjoying life to it's fullest.  Many people don't even realize how hard on themselves they are.  When you have it out for yourself you can't win.  

If you stop and listen to the chatter in your head, you may realize you are your own worst enemy.  If this is true for you then you will want to change your thought habits.

Here are some of the method's you may use against yourself;  Name Calling

by Gretchen Flores

More Empathy Please.

More Empathy Please.

First I apologize for not writing in my blog for so long.  We moved, and other things have held my attention and so I have not been actively writing in here for you.  I plan to resume my writing and offer topics of interest.  First, on a personal note, I felt compelled to write about my own quest to find a counselor here in Colorado. 

Yes, counselors do go to counselors for help with their own personal issues.  My personal quest to find a counselor in Colorado has been a challenge.

 

by Gretchen Flores

Defense Mechanisms: Projection

This is the first in a series on defense mechanisms.  We all have them from time to time.  However, when they become extreme, we may have very little insight. Our defenses can become highly problematic.  Insight gives us freedom of choice; to continue operating under the same set of reactionary belief sets, or to try something different (and hopefully healthier).  

Defense mechanisms are the way we prevent ourselves from having insight into our own feelings.  We may not like something about our self, our situation, or how it feels, so we defend against it in a variety of ways.  In therapy, defense mechanisms are explored, and options for coping in healthier ways are discussed and practiced.  

The first defense mechanism I will address is projection.  Projection is defined by attributing our own traits to someone else.  We don’t want to admit it about ourselves, or we just don’t see it at all, so we blame other’s for our own actions.  

A person may label others as “selfish,” for example, when really that individual is very self absorbed.  When others inconvenience them, they are quick to label the other as “selfish,” when really they don't want to admit to their own selfish behavior. There are many different ways this happens.

Projection's imagery comes from an old fashioned projector screen in which an image is projected from the screen onto the wall.  The real image exists on the projector and not on the wall, however, we see it on the wall.  When someone projects their traits onto others they say the other person has the traits they in fact have.   

The more pervasive the use of the defense mechanism the lower the insight into oneself.  Misattributing one’s thoughts, actions, or feelings onto another person keeps the individual from addressing the real issue within themselves.  It is also confusing for those in relationship with them.

In relationships it can feel like nothing gets resolved.  Instead it feels things get flipped around.  Some individuals may find themselves trying to please the other person by fixing themselves in many different ways.  They may feel a great deal of dismay when their efforts (sometimes over the course of many years) rarely get them anywhere.  This is called projective identification when the individual identifies with the projection(s) and believes that they have the traits they are told they have (when in fact they do not).  In recovery it is important to sort out what is real from what is imagined, and begin to make steps toward clearer communication.  

by Gretchen Flores

Play Therapy for Grown Ups

Play Therapy for Grown Ups

“Mom push me!” my daughter begged me and looked at me with playful eyes.  I reluctantly sidled over to help her out because I know she doesn’t really need me to push her anymore.  I gave her a few good shoves to propel her up to a satisfactory height.  Observing her delight, I thought, “Why let her have all the fun?” and glanced over at the empty swing next to her.  

by Gretchen Flores

Announcement on My New Endeavor

Announcement on My New Endeavor

You may have noticed the face of my company has changed.  Over the years, one of the main questions I am asked is, “What do you specialize in?”  I have been blessed with a wide range of experiences in the field of counseling.  I have worked with, adults, adolescents, kids, couples, elderly, and disabled populations.   I have also worked in hospital, agency, addictions and in private practice settings taking on just about any problem that comes my way.     

I have loved the challenge of working with diversity and with a wide range of people.   It definitely keeps my work interesting.  I have often considered specializing in women’s issues, but haven’t taken the initiative, until now.  

I am thrilled to specialize in women’s issues.

by Gretchen Flores

Trauma at the Dark Knight Theatre Premier

Trauma at the Dark Knight Theatre Premier

In light of the movie theater shooting I thought I would write about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  Initially we have our response to the deaths and visible injuries of the people who went to the opening night of The Dark Knight Rises.  I have been brought to tears several times thinking about what the victims went through and what their families are going through now.  It is just heartbreaking and so difficult to grasp why this would happen.  

Then there are the invisible wounds.  The wounds that are under the surface.  The scars that trauma leaves behind and that alter the lives of the people who were there.  Many people may have an acute stress reaction that will last only a few weeks or months.  Others may develop PTSD symptoms.  

I, myself, have PTSD.  I wish I didn’t, but I do.  I could describe to you several of my various traumatic experiences.  I have had, at least, a handful.  I could describe each one but then this blog post would be way too long.  Let’s see, I’ll choose the time I was held up at gun point. 

It’s an interesting story but I am not writing to talk about myself but to talk about how PTSD can affect you for a lifetime.  Those who were at the theater in Aurora, and survived, are forever changed.  They are deeply affected by trauma and it will be something that doesn’t just go away, but it may be something that they can learn to live with.  

For me it started on

by Gretchen Flores

Feeling Weak

After years of slipping into the sedentary lifestyle I decided to start running again.  I used to be an athlete able to run fast or far depending on the race.  Hurdles and the 200 yard dash were among my races, and I also ran cross country.  On the cross country team the coach would load us on a bus and drop us off miles from campus.  We had no choice but to run until we got home.  

Now, years later, I set out to run again.  At first it felt great!  I was thrilled to get my stamina back and to push the pace.  I felt the thrill of getting back in shape again, that is, until my knees seized up in pain.  Pushing the pace was not an option as I stopped on the trail and gave my legs a shake in dismay.  I had no choice but to slow my pace considerably, ice my knees and run shorter distances.  It was discouraging.  

Several weeks later my knees are starting to get stronger.  I don’t look at all like the athlete I used to be.  I kind of shuffle along monitoring my knees and giving them time to build up muscle again.  I never had knee problems before.  It used to be my shins but never my knees.  I guess after years of a sedentary job, putting off running after two kids and a busy life have caught up with me.  

I realize that this applies to many areas of life, physical, spiritual, emotional and mental.   I like to tell my clients that

by Gretchen Flores