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balance, Anxiety, Encouraging, Stress
Gretchen Flores
COVID-19 Are You in Your Emotional Window of ...

Life has thrown us all some unexpected turns recently with the rise of COVID-19. The question to ask yourself is how do you stay within your emotional window of tolerance? When you are in your window of tolerance you feel secure or safe. You feel that you can handle your emotions as they surface, and you can find your sense of direction. Your responses are congruent with the situation at hand and you feel open, curious, and present. Feelings of empathy remain intact and you are able to maintain healthy boundaries. However, a stressful event can lead to movement out of your window of tolerance.

COVID-19 Are You in Your Emotional Window of Tolerance?
Nutrition, Health
Gretchen Flores
How to Stay Healthy During Flu and Virus Season

Some years ago I noticed a higher number of cancellations due to the flu than other seasons. This year the Corona Virus is putting fear in many hearts. People are stockpiling toilet paper and essentials to have around the house and some offices are preparing to have their employees work from home. Vacation plans are being canceled as fear rises like the tide. Around 7 years ago I started on a quest for natural health

How to Stay Healthy During Flu and Virus Season
Parenting, Stress
Gretchen Flores
Guest Article: Physical and Financial ...

Once you’ve experienced the shock and euphoria that accompanies the news that you’re having a baby, your thoughts move on to the physical and financial preparations that need to be made. There’s a nursery to be assembled as well as equipment and supplies to be acquired so you’re ready to go when the big day arrives.

For parents who find they’re expecting a child with a physical or mental disability, the shock they experience is of a slightly different nature.

Guest Article: Physical and Financial Preparations for a Disabled Child
Gretchen Flores
The Holiday's Stink!

Tis the season for intensified feelings of grief, despair, and loneliness. The feelings of sadness of the loss of a loved one increases exponentially during the holidays. The memories of past holidays together can flood the mind and intensify the feelings of loss. When our lives aren’t perfect and we look around at everyone else’s seemingly perfect lives, despair sets in with feelings of inadequacy. The feelings can spin around in our minds like a tossed salad with too much dressing, “They have an intact family, they have money to go skiing, they don’t have financial problems, their kids have good grades…

The Holiday's Stink!
Encouraging
Gretchen Flores
Patience

I have learned that it takes around 3 years for a bamboo plant to be fully established once it is planted. It will have long periods in which the plant doesn’t appear to be making any growth progress.  It is during this time that growth is occurring underground within the root system.  The roots are actively growing and pushing water up to the plant above ground.

Patience

What is this feeling?

Sometimes life is hard, discouraging, even sad.  Grief is an important process we go through in life.  Often we may be in a grieving process and not even realize it because we equate it with a death.  No one has to die for you to be going through grief.  Sometimes we lose a dream, a hope, or a relationship begins to fail.  Suddenly a direction in our life takes a turn and we feel a range of strong emotions that we cannot place.  Often we might hold onto something that we know we need to let go of and don’t even realize we cannot let go because we are avoiding the strong emotions of grief.  

The 5 classic stages of grief are:

1.  Denial- This isn’t really happening.

2.  Bargaining- If only...  or Why did God let this happen?

3.  Anger- This shouldn’t have happened, it is somebody’s fault.

4.  Sadness- Weeping and feeling the pain of loss

5.  Acceptance-  Coming to terms with the pain of loss.

Going through these stages does not need to be sequential and there is no specific time limit for each stage.  However, if you do not allow yourself to

by Gretchen Flores

Is it Just Worry or Generalized Anxiety Disorder?

In today's world we have a lot to be worried about; job loss, bill payments, rising grocery costs, keeping our children safe, and keeping up with everything on our plates all while maintaining a smile in public.  Some of us are chronic worriers and some not.  Generalized Anxiety Disorder is a condition of chronic worry.  It occurs when our worries never seem to subside.  An ongoing wave of anxious thoughts and behaviors invade our lives daily and we may struggle to let go of them.  My counseling intern, Jill Oulman, Unlicensed Psychotherapist, who will be completing her counseling degree in the next few months, wrote a few thoughts on Generalized Anxiety.  I thought that I would share them with you.  

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

By Jill Oulman

It can be easy to confuse Anxiety for Depression.  Both affect one’s ability to concentrate, both affect mood, often both anxiety and depression affect sleep, and with both disorders one can appear agitated or restless.  Because anxiety is a part of natural human existence, it can be something many individuals brush off as normal.  When it begins to affect their daily lives, they assume it must be something more severe than anxiety.  Many people assume they are depressed and seek help because they cannot deal with their feelings of hopelessness.

By properly assessing the condition as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, the therapist can work to teach the client tools to reduce anxiety and feel in control again.  Human beings are programmed with a fight-or-flight mechanism.  In an individual with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, that mechanism can be faulty and the body is not able to restore itself to a decreased state of adrenaline once that mechanism has been activated.  Often the feelings of anxiety are automatic and not controlled by the client.  Using relaxation techniques can be an effective management tool for the client to restore order to their day.  

When patients can be taught techniques to help themselves, it brings the focus of control from external to internal.  That may be the most important skill as often patients feel as though the source of their anxiety is beyond their control.  This lack of control is what worries them the most.  Enabling clients to have control over their treatment can be a first step in healing.  The therapist can allow the client to focus on controlling their environment instead of the other way around.

Many individuals live with anxiety but it can be

by Gretchen Flores

Continuing Education Seminar for Licensed Professionals in Colorado

Preventing and Treating

Compassion Fatigue and Burnout 

6 Continuing Education Credits

 >> To Register visit http://gretchenflores.com/seminar/

During This Valuable Seminar You Will:

  • Learn about stress and the body
  • Learn about adrenal fatigue symptoms
  • Understand compassion fatigue warning signs
  • Learn how to recover from burnout and compassion fatigue
  • Understand the stages of burnout
  • Increase body awareness
  • Learn techniques to reduce stress during sessions
  • Understand how vicarious trauma affects you personally
  • Learn techniques to reduce the impact of vicarious trauma
  • Attain an understanding of how to support the body through diet and exercise
  • Learn easy exercises you can do during and in between sessions
  • Understand why supervision and consultation are important
  • Attain a wide range of tools to help reduce the effects of stress
  • Continue to love what you do without losing your enthusiasm 
  • And much more!

 

 Space is limited!  Register now. 

by Gretchen Flores

The Worry Box

Worry is a constant struggle for many of us.  Sometimes our mind will latch onto a concern and not let go.  It's as if worrying will somehow solve the problem.  If we obsess, we reason, we will figure out a way to solve the problem eventually. 

Worry is often linked to feeling out of control of something.  It is a fear that something "horrible" will happen and we will have no control to stop it.  I often call it living in "what if land." We ponder; "What if I lose my job," "what if my son gets in a car accident," "What if the dog throws up on the carpet," "What if I don't like my new job."

Many worriers have trouble falling asleep.  It can take an experienced worrier hours to fall asleep sometimes.  Often, a worrier will be awakened at 3 am stare at the clock helplessly while the redundant list of worries cycle through; 3:00 am, 3:15 am, 3:45 am, 4:30 am.  Sometimes even though we know worry doesn't help anything we still do it.  It just is a hard habit to stop.  

A well known sleep specialist described the worry box as a method to combat nighttime obsessions.  I have been pleasantly surprised by

by Gretchen Flores

To Use Insurance or Not to Use Insurance for Counseling?

When Seeking Counseling Should You Use Insurance? 

When I was first trained in counseling Managed Care was just starting out.  The Professors at my school were adamant against using insurance for clients.  They were afraid of confidentiality getting compromised and, as a result, urged students to tell clients to “self-pay” for counseling.  This would protect confidentiality, a hallmark of the trade.  They gave an example of someone running for public office who was denied the opportunity because they had been diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder in childhood.  

However,  I have found insurance to be very useful for clients and helps clients who need counseling gain access with a manageable co-pay for sessions.  Counseling can add up and is a significant investment in yourself.  People tend to minimize the importance of such an investment because it is often difficult to see tangible results without first giving it a try.  People are very private about counseling.  Unlike seeing a good haircut and asking “who is your hairstylist?,” people don’t usually say, “Wow, your attitude is so much better, who is your therapist?”  The word doesn’t get out about good therapy because most of us are very private about it.  

Insurances are getting better at recognizing the need for counseling and some plans have good coverage.   Other plans have poor coverage for counseling and limited choices in counselors.   A diagnosis does have to be made in order to use the insurance.  Most therapists try to

by Gretchen Flores

I Resolve NOT to Resolve

To resolve or not to resolve...that is the question.   


There are a bazillion different things we all could resolve to do or not do in 2011. There is the classic resolve to lose weight and exercise more.  However, as I contemplate my potential resolutions I recognize that unfortunately, that one is always on my list anyway.  I infrequently make much of a dent in it.  I exercise in spurts and eat better in stages.  I could also resolve to be more disciplined, but that again is always something I’m more worried about then actually implementing.  It's a kind of constant struggle. 

How about resolving to get more organized?  Again, that one is a challenge that always stays on my plate.  I used to be able to multi-task like a champion weight lifter adds weights to his bar and stands victoriously while others watch in awe.  Now, I struggle to stay focused on one task at a time before I have forgotten what I set out to do, and then am off onto another random task (maybe I should review the symptoms of adult ADD because I seem to have all of them).

How about resolving to learn more, or read more, or focus on more honorable goals.  Maybe I should set out to be better at something specific.  Are you trying to be better at something?  Are you trying to be more disciplined?  Do you hope to lose those 20 pounds?  (I think I have lost the same set of pounds over and over).  

Resolve to do less:

Here's the twist.  Having been an over achiever before...and, as a result, I desire to resolve to do less.  To be less productive in some areas so I can be more focused on others.  I assume you too work hard and you feel pretty overwhelmed with life much of the time.  I assume that means that adding a lot of 

by Gretchen Flores

Christmas Faith

After writing on the F’s of holiday stress (Frenetic Activity, Family Issues, & Finances) I realized I missed the most central F in the positive list I provided; Flexibility, Focus, Fun and now Faith.  Faith is what Christmas is.  Many of us celebrate Christmas for a wide range of reasons some that have nothing to do with faith.  Yet, faith in a God who came down to live amongst us is what Christmas is at it’s core.  

Sure Santa seems jolly and generous but he has been known to give out coal if you are bad, or to take you off his list if you haven’t done your chores.  He represents conditional love, or love based on how good you are.  

Jesus, on the other hand, came to save us all no matter what we have done.  If we have stolen, lied, cheated, gossiped or even murdered, his gift of grace is still available to you.   Many say, “I have been good enough, certainly his salvation is available to me.”  but that statement misses the point by a long shot.   The point isn’t being “good enough.” The point is that

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by Gretchen Flores

Combating the Three F's of Holiday Stress

Holiday Anxiety;  How not to let the Holidays stress you out.

Holidays can be an anxious time.  For many it is a time filled with pressure to make it perfect and for others sad reminder of what is missing from your life.  Some will dread the holidays, others will use it as an escape.  Many of us love the holidays and want them to be ideal and we want to treasure the Joys of Christmas.    How do you keep the joy in Christmas when life can be so challenging sometimes?

Combating the Three F’s of Holiday Stress:

Frenetic Activity  - Most of us are already busy without the extra demands of holiday activities.  Once the holidays hit it becomes difficult to manage the pressures of extra parties, to do lists, shopping trips, card sending and home decorating.  We often kick into high gear and then droop with fatigue and then kick into high gear and then droop, and on the cycle goes. 

We started our Christmas shopping this year with our two little ones in tow and admit it was less than ideal.  Bribing them with a chance to purchase their own little $3.00 toy we bravely hit the stores.  Admittedly the kids were pretty good, but my 4 1/2 year old wanted to push the cart up and down all of the isles at TJ Max.  I tried to stay with her but soon realized she was never where I needed to be to find gifts, so I ventured out keeping a wary eye on her activities nearby.   Occasionally I would see her wiz by gleefully.  She nearly ran a store clerk over and she almost knocked some dishes on the floor before we decided maybe we had been in the store too long and it was time to try the next one.  

We came home fatigued ready for bed and ready to leave the dishes in the sink overnight so we could crash.  Sound familiar?  Maybe you don’t have the gleeful kiddos crashing into things but you certainly have the demands of extra holiday stress.  Be sure to simplify your schedule; eat out, get fast food, use paper plates, say no to some things, stuff a pile of unfolded laundry in the corner and pull out your clothes as needed.  sometimes it’s just not worth it to keep up the pace and do it all perfectly. 


Family -  The holidays are always a time for Christmas joy right?  Wrong.  Sometimes they are a time for grief, anger, or pressure to do things you don’t want to do.  Criticism from family members is a common problem many people face.  Families divided over past hurts have to face each other and decide whether or not to spend time together without bringing up the past.  Many of us feel anxiety about facing our family issues and are nervous about setting healthy boundaries.  

It is also common to feel grief at the loss of a loved one.  If a beloved family member has died the Christmas festivities just bring up a new wave of sadness and missing the person we loved.  Newly divorced men and women have to figure out how to spend the holiday time remembering last year they were an intact family.  Possibly friends have been lost, loyalties have shifted and the holidays make you feel hurt all over again. 

How do we get past all of the family stress to enjoy some of the Joy of Christmas?  First of all we need to realize the holiday is not really for us.  It is a celebration of Jesus’ birth to save us from our sins and to heal our hurts.  It is an act of worship to lovingly put up the lights and play the Christmas music.  If we remember that the true joy of Christmas is that we have been given the biggest second chance ever considered fathomable, then it is a time for joy.  A sense of relief comes when we realize with all of our imperfections that we are loved dearly by the King of Kings who came as a babe to demonstrate the unconditional love of the Father. 

Family issues aside, we are loved and that is worthy of celebration! 


Finances - In a down economy many of us are wary of any spending during the holidays.  Around 14 years ago I used to keep a tight budget writing down every penny I would spend on my paper ledger before bed.  However, when the holidays came up I would stop.  I would intentionally go into a bubble of denial for about two months and then start tracking my spending again sometime in February.   I had no idea how much I was spending because Christmas was supposed to be big. 

In my family growing up it was always big.   Oodles and oodles of presents would just keep coming.  My family liked to spend so I tried to keep up but realistically on my budget I couldn’t keep up so it went on the credit cards.  There was an unspoken rule that you had to buy several nice and special gifts for each person in the family.  Now I am married, have kids and have two, well three, sides of the family to buy for plus kids.  We can no longer be in denial about what we have to spend and we DO NOT use credit cards anymore.   As a family we sit down and decide what we can realistically spend and then we go out with our calculator and keep track.  

It is important to realize that shopping on a budget can be fun...it can almost be a game to see how many great deals you can find.  Many of you shop on Black Friday to bring cost down but I personally find it too stressful and shut down like a deer in headlights when stores are that busy with crazed shoppers trying to find the best deals.  We have found that Ross, TJ Max, and other stores always run discounts and if you are willing to look thoroughly you can find some great gifts.  

Keep in mind that Christmas is a special time but it is not an excuse to be excessive and irresponsible with finances.  I read recently that bank robberies go up before the holidays probably due to pressure to provide gifts.  Now, most of you won't go that far but if you can’t do much this year then admit it and be creative.   It is not worth it to strain your finances to keep everyone else happy.  Sometimes it is okay to admit that you have to hold back.  If family members are disappointed then let it go.  Remember what the holiday really is about and stay focused on the relationships that are important to you.  Make cookies and hot cocoa, and enjoy the worshipful music that fills the airways every year, go sledding or do something fun. 

Truthfully, some stress is unavoidable but if you can keep perspective then it can be a whole lot easier.  Three F's can also keep us on track:

Flexibility - Be flexible with scheduling.  If you need to change plans last minute then roll with it.  If something needs to change or not be included in the holiday repertoire then let it go!  Sometimes it is not worth the stress to try to do it all perfectly.

Focus - Focus on what is important.  Relationships are important but having the perfect dinner is not. If you ruin the potatoes, laugh it off and set them aside.  If you forgot to buy bows, leave them off this year.  Bows aren't important...love and laughter is.  Focus on what is important and let the little details go. 

Fun - If you aren't having any fun and the people around you are miserable because you are demanding perfection then something is off.  Don't forget to have fun, relax and laugh a little! 

 

I pray you have a wonderful holiday season and a very Merry Christmas!

 

In him-Gretchen

 

 

 

 

by Gretchen Flores

Take a Break!


To do lists, errands, deadlines, and goals are all good things.  But they can create anxiety and anxiety creates stress and stress wears on your body.  Our society has record levels of a variety of severe health problems.  We all know about the impending problems but tend to ignore the signs because our to do list is just too important.  More important than your health.  God knew this would be a problem and mandated a day of rest or “sabbath” every week.  How many of us actually follow this important command?  I know I don’t as often as I need to. 

Now that I am on a vacation (that I rarely take) I feel my body start to relax.  The first day here we just slept and relaxed.  Interestingly I thought I wouldn’t sleep at night because I had rested so much during the day, but to the contrary I slept like a baby.  Most likely my body was making up for the lack of rest over weeks and weeks of failing to take a sabbath.  Of course I realize that doing housework instead of going into the office is still work, but somehow it still needs to be done.  It's the repetative task that seem to get us. But what about self-care? What would happen if instead of getting it all done you stopped to rest a little?

I preach self-care to my clients.  I practice self-care myself but admit I haven’t been as vigilant about it recently.  Self-care is so important.  It communicates self respect and it helps you last for the long haul.  Make sure you implement self-care in your weekly life.  What self-care methods have you neglected?  What do you need to be ruthless about protecting in your self-care regimen?  Don’t forget to; take baths, go for walks, eat healthy, take naps, get a massage, or talk to a friend on the phone.  Your body and your soul need it. 

Happy resting. 

I welcome your comments. 

Blessings, Gretchen 

by Gretchen Flores

Pushing Past My Limits and Breaking My Own Rules


I set my alarm for 5:10 am so I could head out to Colorado Springs for a Continuing Education seminar.  I remember thinking that I was over scheduled this week and wondering how this was going to affect me.  I reassured myself it would be okay. 

I used to push myself past my limits regularly.  Somehow I would always find time to crash and recover but 11 years ago I learned the hard way that it is not a good idea to push yourself past your limits on a regular basis.  That was before I had kids when time to “recover” has become more and more difficult to find. 

I groggily got up at 5 am on this midweek day, and headed out to Colorado Springs for my seminar on Play Therapy Techniques.  I was excited about this seminar but was also acutely aware of how fatigued I was.  My son had had the flu on the weekend and I was up with him at night helping him and cleaning up throw up.  Then by Monday I had an upset tummy myself but chose to push through it since my clients are counting on me to be there for them and I knew I would be taking the next week off. 

Because of the scheduled time off, I had a full work week with long days.  I managed to make it through but felt the effects on my body as I slogged into the next day with the enthusiasm of a hippo wallowing in the mud.  Then by Friday I got home from work and my husband seemed cheerful and excited to emphasize that I had made it through the tough week.  Even with the flowers he brought me my happiness waned.  I was grouchy and couldn’t even stand the sound of my favorite music.  I turned off the radio.  I reminded him in a monotone voice that I still had a Toastmasters meeting the next day. 

I was supposed to do a speech after the main meeting for the nursing home residents in the “Speech-a-thon.”  Fortunately I came to my senses and chose not to do the speech-a-thon but went to the main meeting with my makeup on to cover over my dark circles, and a smile (faking it was one of my old coping skills).  I managed to win “best evaluator” and even did a Table Topics talk when you are given a topic on the spot to talk about without preparation time.  By the end of the meeting my muscles in my neck and back ached and my head hurt.  I knew I was well over my limit.  

What is a “limit” and why is it so important?  Learning what my limits are and respecting myself enough to honor them was one of the main components to my recovery from the severe burnout I experienced 11 years ago.  It is also one of the concepts I try to teach my clients when learning to manage stress and anxiety. 

A limit is an invisible line that exists between emotional, physical, and psychological well being and becoming anxious, irritable and stressed.  Once you have crossed the line it is important to pull yourself in quickly by slowing down, implementing self care, and getting rest. 

There was a time in my life I had no perception of a limit.  I had no awareness that one should exist and I lived past my limits all of the time.  I thought I was just driven and “hard working.”  My need to please others, to work hard, and be involved was tremendous.  I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, and I had an insatiable need to do because I lacked the self esteem to understand that my worth was not linked to how well I did things.  I would push and push.  I pushed myself all of the time, and the funny thing is, when people find out you are a hard worker, something else happens...you get asked to do more things.  Then I found that the pressure also came from others that were expecting me to do for them.  I was programed to feel that nothing was ever good enough so I would strive and strive to perfect things. 

My burnout was actually a gift.  It was a gift that helped me to understand what a limit is and how to enforce it.  I learned that you can’t expect anyone else to enforce it for you.  You have to first respect yourself and your well being enough to be determined to honor your own limits.  I went over them this past week and the result was not pretty.  I don’t  even like being around myself when I am in that place.   Fortunately, last week was an exception and there were parts that were out of my control.   I’ll get back on track and be determined to take better care of myself this week.  That should be easy since I am on vacation.  What are your limits?  How can you honor your limits this week?  

I welcome your comments. 

by Gretchen Flores